I was 24 years old when I first experienced depression. My spirits were sunken so low that I could weep by the hour like a child, and yet I knew not what I wept for. Life felt shapeless, indefinable, yet all-beclouding hopelessness. I realized that the iron bolt which so mysteriously fastens the door of hope and holds our spirits in gloomy prison, needs a heavenly hand to push it back – Charles Spurgeon*

Charles Spurgeon, also fondly referred to by many Christians as the ‘Prince of Preachers,’ was a British Baptist pastor living in the 19th Century. It is estimated that in his lifetime, Spurgeon preached to around 10,000,000 people. Though Spurgeon's printed works are voluminous there was something he struggled with his whole life, depression.

A person experiencing depression will normally have at least four symptoms from a list that includes changes in appetite and weight, changes in sleep and activity, lack of energy, feelings of guilt, problems thinking and making decisions, and recurring thoughts of death or suicide (Sadock 2007:527-528). These experiences make you feel worthless and not yourself. In many ways your family will not understand the depth and seriousness of your pain. Your feeling of aloneness may perhaps make you doubt whether God actually loves or cares for you. The comfort that must be yours, however, is that you can work through these feelings, by learning to work through your experiences, one day at a time.

There is still much discussion regarding the causes of depression. Nonetheless, Lawson (2006:19) explains that psychological, spiritual and existential elements are factors in depressive states and illness. To expand, the reasons for depression can be related to the mental and emotional states of a person, the human spirit, and the crises of human existence in difficult circumstances.

Often depression starts through some kind of reaction to an event or set of events, which provokes a depressive response. Depression is related to ones mood where there is a “sustained feeling tone that is experienced internally and that influences a person’s behaviour and perception of the world” (Sadock 2007:527). Again, it is always necessary for a person experiencing changes in their general moods, that last longer than one or two weeks, to seek professional help. Certainly, if you have previously experienced moods of a similar nature to those currently felt, it would be wise to seek help. Treatment is important factors that can assist you during these times and help you better manage them.

What are some steps you can take to help you understand what’s going on inside? Lawson (2007:19) presents us with the following clear and important questions. I suggest that you start a journal, find a quite space, and answer the following questions:

Try to put into words how you have been feeling and for how long you’ve felt like this.

Have you noticed any other changes in yourself or your normal pattern of life?

Is there anything worrying you in particular?

Are you able to do anything about it?

Of all the things you are feeling, is there one which is most unsettling?

What are the most painful and possibly formative experiences of your past?

Is there some painful past event or situation which may have something to do with your present feelings?

Is there something which could happen which would really make a difference to the way you feel now?

When you answer these questions you are already beginning to look at your mood from a slightly more objective position. To expand, when you have questions, such as above or some that you may ask of yourself, they become means of probing into the “why” of your mood or depressed feelings. Certainly, for people of faith in God the questions that sometimes arises are:

Have I done something wrong toward God?

Are these feelings of depression related to God punishing me?

Will God heal me of these emotions so that I may feel hope again?

Your expectations of hope will certainly feel like being in a dark space with no light growing brighter at the end of the tunnel. Depression may cause you to feel that way. As we saw in Spurgeon’s life, he described it as an ‘all-beclouding hopelessness.’ However, one important thought in his mind was that God was not the reason for his depression. Rather, God was very much with him in his suffering. Spurgeon realized that it is God, with him that will push back the blackness of depression into a place of light. This was Spurgeon’s comfort as a gift from God. This too can be your gift because the Scripture tells us:

““What I’m trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Don’t be afraid of missing out. You’re my dearest friends! The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself.”(Luke 12:29–32, The Message)

I want to assure you again that it is not wrong to seek professional help. God has given us qualified professionals who can assist you. I also want to encourage you that you are not alone in the darkness that you feel. When you are at your darkest moment it is important to know that not only does Jesus know your feeling of being overwhelmed (Matt.27:46) but he is with you in it. Pray to God and aim your hardest questions at him. Your pastoral caregiver will assist you in finding answers in terms of the will of God in your suffering. Again, you are never alone. Therefore, do not journey alone in it, for you will be made strong out of weakness (Heb 11:34b).

____________________________________________________

* Modified from Piper, John, 2015, Charles Spurgeon. Preaching Through Adversity, Minneapolis, MN: Desiring God. Website: desiring-God.org (pg29).

Lawson, M. (2006). D is for depression: spiritual, psychological and medical resources for healing depression (p. 19). Fearn, UK: Christian Focus Publications.

Sadock JS & Sadock VA, 2007, Kaplan & Sadock’s Synopsis of Psychiatry. Behavioural Sciences/Clinical Psychiatry (10th Edition), Philadelphia, PA: Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, a Wolters Kluwer Business.